Celebrity Valentines: Self-Absorbed Hotel Heiress
If you've got no one to LOVE on Valentine's Day, no worries. You can be like Paris Hilton and LOVE yourself. Anyone that doesn't agree with your inflated assessment of your astounding beauty, talent and accomplishment is just jealous. You are the American dream, the perfect blonde Barbie doll, and everyone wishes they were just like you.
Nice try ... but not funny.
Posted by: anon | February 07, 2006 at 03:24 PM
Oo, do I have the first comment?
Posted by: Blondi | February 07, 2006 at 04:33 PM
Is that "drunk vomit" on her chest?
Posted by: corthos | February 07, 2006 at 04:54 PM
LOL that's one for me. I do love myself. I don't have a boyfriend and so every Valentines Day I give candy to myself. Still, I'm not like Paris--I actually wear clothes! :)
Posted by: Long Island Irish | February 07, 2006 at 09:26 PM
Please, please take me out of my misery if I ever want to be like Paris. ;)
Posted by: Morrigan | February 07, 2006 at 10:05 PM
I love it! Actually one of the few things I like about Paris Hilton is that she does seem to love herself.
Posted by: Tara | February 08, 2006 at 06:40 AM
Is so funny!
Posted by: Jen | February 08, 2006 at 07:01 AM
I like this one. It's pretty - in a Beetlejuise kind of way.
Posted by: DonnaJEM | February 08, 2006 at 08:46 AM
AWESOME! My favorite so far! Amazing, but that is exactly how this mosquito-brained creature makes sense of the world. Great job 14!
Posted by: | February 08, 2006 at 08:52 AM
Your just jealous of Paris's evervescence,charm and lazy eye. It's the lazy eye;she must have some pact with the devil.
Posted by: mutterhals | February 08, 2006 at 09:12 AM
You crack me up! Everyday I log onto your website and each new piece of art is always the highlight of my day.
Today, you have also provided some valuable advice. I will love myself to no end and remind my friends and family how awesome I am. And if they don't like it, well I guess they are just jealous.
Posted by: Crees_dahl | February 08, 2006 at 10:51 AM
14!! You are GENIOUS!!this is such a great idea and great piece of work!! Wow, you have outdone yourself one again!!
Well.... I also do think that Miss Hilton is a bubble head egocentric... shallow, materialistic, fake, selfish and not very intelligent. She has to stop and realize that the world doesn't revolve around herself. She needs to wake up from a dream called "Paris Hilton"...
There's nothing more despicable and disgusting than pride and egocentriccity.
Posted by: Natalia | February 08, 2006 at 02:36 PM
reminds me of her, 'when people who don't know you hate you, you know you're the best" comment. Most are just embarrassed that buffoons like her are in the public eye. Bah, she's an insult to American women.
heh, anon, you are either miz. hilton herself or a disillusioned 'fan'. And for all the P.H. 'fans' that comment, what exactly does she do that you admire so?
nice one, 14
Posted by: owie | February 08, 2006 at 04:05 PM
i love paris hilton! i love your cartoon too.
Posted by: Jazza | February 08, 2006 at 10:39 PM
Lol! I like it.
Is that thing on the bottom jizz?
Posted by: Fug. | February 09, 2006 at 03:27 AM
Outstanding, 14, I love all three of these cards. You are one of the first places I visit in the morning.
Posted by: Mike | February 09, 2006 at 10:39 AM
Paris Hilton is a fake socialite, heroin-addict looking, flat-butt having, lazy eye, non-writing, wanna be rapper/video hoe – we got your number – literally... Personally, we don’t care how much money you have. We stay at the Marriott anyway, so f**k the Hilton. When your own people get tired of you, your 15 minutes will be over. By the way, what do you DO? Oh, for those that do know, there is a video tape of Hilton-(no, not the one for sale where she is screwing her ex, or the new sex tape floating around)- this is the one of her calling two Black dudes “Dumb Niggers.” And we tend not to use that word, but we’d like to show it for you as an example of how ugly it is. Why didn’t Lionel Ritchie’s daughter say anything. Suspect. Guess better Guess again.
Posted by: Black man | February 09, 2006 at 11:03 AM
I there I was thinking that I was the only one who noticed her lazy eye. Maybe its a botched eye lift?
Posted by: Damien Morgan | February 09, 2006 at 01:56 PM
Brilliant! The colours, the staple expression, the design--yummy! Only thing is, can we send her enough copies of it to know that we worship her as she sees us?
Posted by: midevil | February 09, 2006 at 04:40 PM
I agree with the first comment...I usually love your pictures and am a big fan but this one isn't very funny. The last Tara Reid one wasn't very funny either. Have you lost your nerve 13? Something's different...
Posted by: anon | February 09, 2006 at 05:31 PM
These are VALENTINE cards. They aren't meant to be funny, they're meant to be super corny and stupid...just like Valentine's Day! Guess you'll need to find yourself another court jester Anon.
Oh, and the stuff oozing at the bottom is sticky pink Paris goo.
Thanks for the comments everyone - you too "Anon".
14
Posted by: 14 | February 09, 2006 at 07:18 PM
The entire population has seen this woman's crotch more than they've seen their own and everyone else's. I have only one thing to say:
Narcissistic Personality Disorder ....
This bitch will go down in the annals of psychology.
I love you 14! You are a fucking genius.
Demon Kitty
Posted by: Demon Kitty | February 09, 2006 at 11:06 PM
Ignore the haters 14, I loved the cards and I found them hysterical...I look forward to seeing a new posting and you just made my morning! You got Paris' lazy eye down pat and the fact she is a self centered dumb whore. Keep up the good work 14!
Posted by: nydiva | February 10, 2006 at 03:37 AM
dear anon,
the name of this site is Gallery of the Absurd .... not Gallery of the Hilarious (even though the majority of 14's illustrations make me laugh so hard I nearly have a seizure). 14 has more nerve in the tip of her pen than you'll ever have so BACK OFF!
Posted by: karin | February 10, 2006 at 02:15 PM
I'm with Karin concerning the post from "anon." If "anon" doesn't like the work, then don't look.
Sheesh! It's parody, and very good at that. I envy your talent, 14. You rock! And may you have an incredible career ahead of you!
Jeanette.
Posted by: Chansmom | February 10, 2006 at 04:17 PM
i wouldn't be surprised one bit if she really does send herself a Valentine's card...lol
Posted by: Dawn (webmiztris) | February 11, 2006 at 11:08 AM
Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset.
Posted by: Jules | February 14, 2006 at 11:31 AM
hey, its not paris's fault she has a lazy eye...if she got plastic surgery you all would be all over her with "omg cheap barbie plastic wh0re!!!11" and I bet none of you are perfect either. its paris's attitude i dont like, not her looks.
Posted by: mel | February 18, 2006 at 08:25 AM
Correct!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE PARIS HILTON!
Posted by: shell | May 15, 2006 at 08:48 PM
okay stop making fun of her lazy eye, people can't help if they have that, you have no life making fun of her
Posted by: your mom | June 19, 2006 at 04:08 PM
hey whatz ur ph n.o
Posted by: Louise | August 28, 2006 at 09:18 PM
I love reading about Paris Hilton and Tara Reid with a certain detached fascination. They are really representative of the nihilism that represents Hollywood culture and train wrecks.
They really prove that you don't need to have substance and can be a totally vacuous individual and still make it to Hollywood's A list.
Posted by: Big Earl | August 29, 2006 at 09:32 PM