The Strange Morphing Face of Startled Jones
While in the middle of painting the Star Jones pin-up for Babe Magazine (see above), I felt I needed to look at her face once again before adding the finishing touches. I wanted some recent photos, so I went to getty images. When I pulled up the photos, I nearly fell over backwards!! WHAT HAS SHE DONE TO HER FACE? It's too late at night for me to be looking at photos as blood-curdling at these! I know faces change appearance after dramatic weight loss, but Star looks really different. I compared the much maligned Star-in-red-bathing-suit image from a few weeks ago with the photos from her recent book signing and she looks like a different person. She looks like a very startled big-eyed alien. I hereby bequeath her a new moniker: Startled Jones.
Version ONE: too tame
Version TWO: perfect
Photo proof:
Right on...I see comments of the drag queen look. Maybe she had a bad face lift.. all the extra skin from loosing a whole person. Glad you realized the alien look because your first photo made her to notmal looking! Great Job
Posted by: sophia | January 10, 2006 at 10:50 AM
BWAHAHAHA!! I love it!
Posted by: TheIdleReceptionist | January 10, 2006 at 11:07 AM
If she yawns, I think her face will rip right off!
Posted by: Pat Angello | January 10, 2006 at 11:49 AM
Don't forget this fudge truck first got 'big' on the dead backs of Nicole Brown and Ronald Goldman. Fattest vulture I've ever seen.
Posted by: felonious p. snazzizzle | January 10, 2006 at 12:57 PM
It's kind of scary because in the first picture she looks like Ursula from The Little Mermaid. Now she looks more like Cruella DeVille!
Posted by: allendergirl | January 10, 2006 at 01:22 PM
14, I love it! Perfect as always! Star Jones looks like she's going for that "Michael Jackson look". What's next...skin bleaching?
Posted by: NY Diva | January 10, 2006 at 02:28 PM
Star better hope that she never has to smile or scream again--ANY movement of facial muscles is bound to rip all the skin away from her face as if she were a flounder being gutted.
Posted by: Long Island Irish | January 10, 2006 at 05:16 PM
I couldn't stand her big, and now she's worse small. Now she's helping poor hapless women get make-overs. Yikes and Ew.
Posted by: DonnaJEM | January 10, 2006 at 05:18 PM
Brilliant, 14! I think I have a new favorite of yours. My God, you managed to capture this creature in all its abominable glory. By the way, I find the first version a lot scarier! Well done.
Posted by: 14Fan | January 10, 2006 at 06:12 PM
14 you are killing me. I almost rolled of the damn couch when I scrolled down. Is there some art blog of the year award, if so, baby, you win hands down!
Posted by: Tess | January 10, 2006 at 06:30 PM
This is so scary!!! I liked her better as the Black Ursula the octopus!
Ok, now she looks like this chick on "Web Dreams", dumb as a box of rocks, named "Malezia". Malezia with a tan and even worse makeup than normal.
I couldn't find a link with her clothed, so you'll just have to believe me.
Posted by: Knuckles McG | January 10, 2006 at 06:57 PM
That is downright scary!!!! From 400lbs and no neck to whatever lbs and alien features!!! Lord she's scary!!!
Posted by: moimoimoi | January 10, 2006 at 08:00 PM
I am speechless.
So Much Love,
Demon Kitty
Posted by: Demon Kitty | January 10, 2006 at 09:01 PM
Your talent never ceases to amaze me! Love your site!
Posted by: jayne | January 10, 2006 at 11:13 PM
OK OK what are these celebs on outside of coke/meth---
are they really on the horse asthma med ClenButel or whatever or do they all have a script for Adderal
Posted by: lex | January 10, 2006 at 11:22 PM
This is proof that there are no quick fix its' for losing weight!!! She is very secretive about her "method" (surgery????), and to boot, I don't think that she worked out after this massive weight loss - disaster!!!!
Posted by: monica smith | January 11, 2006 at 04:33 AM
you know, I think she was more attractive as a large person..
Posted by: OtherwiseOccupied | January 11, 2006 at 06:25 AM
Argh, I can't not comment again. Revealing Star Jones as the alien she is was beyond genius.
Posted by: TheIdleReceptionist | January 11, 2006 at 06:54 AM
AAAANNNNDDD, one more. As someone that loves the arts and graphic design and such, I love how you leave some of the picture as a rough sketch and some of it a finished piece. Lovely!
I can't wait to see the Tom Poetry Winner! ;o)
Posted by: TheIdleReceptionist | January 11, 2006 at 06:57 AM
Her face now strikes me as almost identical to Faye Dunaway's as Joan Crawford in Mommie Dearest--the way she sucks in her cheeks and holds her mouth. What remained of any warmth of expression has been sucked out, and it's apparent she's slightly cross-eyed.
Posted by: dinuba | January 11, 2006 at 07:46 AM
She's had a major bad face lift. It's just gross. Amen for making these drawings!
Posted by: Genevieve | January 11, 2006 at 07:59 AM
Oh no....I think I may have soiled myself from my fit of uncontrollable laugher!
This time you have T-R-U-L-Y outdone yourself 14!!!
I am speechless, soggy and speechless. ROTFLMWAO!!
Posted by: SM | January 11, 2006 at 08:19 AM
Yes! I totally agree about the Black Ursula look! She looked better fat! Not many people do, but she did. Love the art work!!
Posted by: Jenrah | January 11, 2006 at 12:28 PM
I was "busy" during her transformation, so was clueless. Happened to see The View and thought they had replaced the fat chick due to her gay hubby (??) or something. Yet they called this replacement "Star"...was this her twin??? I still contend she did an Anne Rice and "Body Snatched" someone. What in the Haydies is wrong with her eyebrows? Hurts me to look.
Posted by: Fiasco | January 11, 2006 at 03:07 PM
she must have had an eyelift before losing weight, but now that the weight of her brow is gone her eyes go too far up.
does she draw her brows on? they're creepy.
Posted by: Louise Ferrario | January 11, 2006 at 03:39 PM
HAHAHA. OMG so funny!
Posted by: Amy | January 11, 2006 at 04:40 PM
I have a love/hate relationship with gossip and think your pictures/drawings are amazing. You are very funny, and witty. Love the Star Jones pics, her in a red bathing suit is scary especially stradling her gay husband. EWWWWW!!!
Posted by: Virenda | January 11, 2006 at 06:26 PM
Awesome likeness again. Fat or thin, she's one of those people who will always be ugly - inside and out. Beyond ugly - hideous, scary, ghastly and yet completely full of herself. Imagine writing a book on finding "true love" when you're nothing but a beard.
Posted by: james | January 12, 2006 at 06:25 PM
Yikes I think you really hit it on the nose there, god she has'nt even told anyone how she lost the weight (not that we had'nt guessed it was surgery). Strange that there are even rumours that she had a sham wedding (although the guy looks pretty damn good my hetro senses doth not tingle, lets just say he's a little less 'Oh my god' and a little more 'OOOOOkkkkklahooooma'). Hope thats not slander?
Posted by: Damien Morgan | January 12, 2006 at 07:46 PM
I hate Star Jones. She honestly looks like a mixture of a Gila Monster and The Crypt Keeper from the HBO series. Plus her opinions make the late Morton Downey Jr look like a nicer Bob Costas. (which is hard to do.)
Posted by: chad stockwell | January 15, 2006 at 02:53 AM
The grey alien similarities amongst plastic surgery abusers seems to be appearing more and more frequently. I'm starting to suspect that grey aliens aren't aliens at all, just time travellers from a not-too distant future where everyone gets shoddy face jobs in their eternal quest for beauty.
Posted by: Joshua Love | January 15, 2006 at 09:53 AM
Everyone's mis-spelling her name: it's pronounced Star Jones, but it's spelled X-E-N-U.The X, the E, and the U are all silent.
Star Jones will always hold a special place in my heart. Your withering caricature of her in Star-ba the Hutt mode was my first exposure to the GOTA. Ah, memories...
Like you need to hear this again (OK, maybe you do), but fucking BRILLIANT!
Posted by: Viper Tetsu | January 15, 2006 at 05:18 PM
you are so right! I noticed how strange she looked the other day when I accidently turned on THE VIEW and had to stop and watch this car crash of a face. Usually when women lose so much weight they get better looking, not uglier! She seems to have used Joan Rivers plastic surgeon. And speaking of...have you seen MELISSA Rivers lately? Oy, what a botched couple of jobs SHE"S had!
Posted by: Christi | January 16, 2006 at 06:48 PM
Not only is Star a fake, so is that weakling husband of hers. I was noticing in wedding photos he's wearing a military Bronze Star and Purple Heart. No, he didn't earn them, they were his fathers. What a couple of frauds!
Posted by: Jack | January 21, 2006 at 12:30 PM
After seeing your sketch for version 2, it hit me...
my preciousssssssssssssssss!
she's gross.
Posted by: DesiDancer | January 23, 2006 at 12:15 PM
Oh, dear God, is that funny! I work in a "quiet" area, and my burst of laughter almost caused a lock down. Ah, ha-ha-ha-ha!
What a hideous troll she is. Hideous troll - not just a troll...a hideous troll. Keep up the good work!
Posted by: James Choma | January 25, 2006 at 05:24 AM
So that's what crawled into my room last night, took me up to its ship, and probed me.
Now I understand why the aliens mutilate cows -- they've been looking for Star!
Ewww.
Posted by: James Choma | January 25, 2006 at 08:27 AM
i thought i was the only one who noticed how crazy star jones looks - post surgery. she looked better fat.
Posted by: tee hee hee | January 27, 2006 at 06:59 AM
does anyone else think star jones looks like nicole richie? it totally creeps me out!
Posted by: ishouldbereading | January 28, 2006 at 01:37 AM
Star Jones is an arrogant dolt and the true poster child (monster) for affirmative action. It was hard enough to take her seriously before she looked like a gremlin with a blotched facelift. But, it is all good in that she got everything that she has earned - extreme ugliness.
de
Posted by: Drunken Editor | January 31, 2006 at 09:51 AM
I think she looks like a frog and since she is a bitch she looks even worst than that....a mutant frog that is...
Posted by: Yvette Jong | January 31, 2006 at 04:08 PM
ohhhh yes, I see the similarity! kudos! great work again! alien jones more like!
Posted by: cherise | February 03, 2006 at 05:32 AM
Thanks for the pictures. I saw her on T.V. this morning, the first time I've seen her since this "morphing" thing. It's a strange look she's got going on - especially with those long fake lashes comming out of her startled eye sockets.
Posted by: Jo Gillis | February 20, 2006 at 06:31 PM
she has always been mean spirited. spiteful in fact. it is a known fact she is jeolous of light skinned women. she hates VANESSA WILLIAMS with a passion! she was interviewing her when she appeared the female lead in a movie called 'LETS DANCE' and she was so jeoulous of VANESSA'S hair and how slim she was. she couldn't stop talking about her all through out the show.
it's too bad star had to have medical intervention in orde to lose the pounds. as everyone knows she will gain it all back like oprah did and then make excuses of why it happened. then when MR. REYNOLDS THE FAG leaves her then that will be why. she will say: ...'me and my husband had a lot of problems in our marriage. i did not know he was gay he was hiding it behind my back all these yeaaaars oooh booo hoooo....' yeah right star stop being so fake. she doesn't like dogs, but pretends to love them by getting one herself. MOMMIE DEAREST without the kids...yeah you don't get to the top without being a bitch in hollywood.
Posted by: i said it | March 10, 2006 at 11:10 AM
Noooooooottt Funny, at all!!!!!
Posted by: Vivian | March 13, 2006 at 08:03 PM
Oh, man. That is a DISASTER of a face. She was not a pretty fat lady—there are pretty fat women, and she was not one of them—and she is not a pretty thin lady. She is just not a pretty lady. I think the alien hypothesis is a good one.
Posted by: Em | March 17, 2006 at 06:30 PM
I also looked at Star Jones she actually looks worse than before now she is a cocky small person instead of a cocky big person. I liked her better before. She looks dreadful. She reminds me of ET come home.
Posted by: Josette | April 28, 2006 at 06:37 PM
I can not tolerate this over the top, can not look people in the face, narsacistic, ape, monkeyed lipped b*tch!
Arrrghhh...she makes me want to rip my right arm out, beat myself to oblivion with it, then with my left over post oblivion energy, come back, and beat her too!!
Posted by: scandoll | May 08, 2006 at 09:36 PM
The thing that I don't get is why she lies about getting a By-Pass.We all know she had one and I'm sure she knows we know. But she insists it's all Pilates and excercize.... rite! Pilates my butt, she had the Bypass of life! BUT she has that Nicole Richie thing going on now. Star looks really bad...she looks like death standing on the corner eating a Lifesaver .
Posted by: Flava | May 10, 2006 at 11:37 AM
THE ONLY THING FUNNIER THAN READING THESE COMMENTS IS LOOKING AT THAT HILARIOUS ALIEN PICTURE. fuckin' funny stuff!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: ohmygod | June 08, 2006 at 09:51 PM