Celebrity Endorsement Idea No. 312
Look, I realize this is pandering to the lowest common denominator of cesspool gossip, but my mission is to illustrate gossip...and so I do what I must. My inspiration comes from the fact Britney Spears and Cheetos have become so synonymous that one term is rarely mentioned without the other. Just take a look at what the bloggers are saying. In addition, Star magazine has been monitoring Brit's weight gain over the past month and even ran a cover photo screaming "Brit Gains 20 lbs. MORE!"
Our investigative team has just uncovered Frito-Lay's plans to expand their product line by offering Cheetos Britney, an even cheesier, greasier and more unnatural shade of orange crunchy snack. We were able to obtain a prototype image of the bag (see above) and also got our hands on the teaser ad (see below) scheduled to appear in upcoming magazines right before the product becomes available.
Aren't you intrigued? Is your mouth watering for cheesy goodness?
This is what the ad will look like inserted into the pages of a sample magazine.
That girl looks more like Elvis every day. The weight gain, the studying of mystic religions...how long will it be till she takes up karate? If you see her eating a fried banana, peanut butter and bacon sandwich you will know for sure....
...hey wait...
OMG! Elvis' cover is blown! He is in fact not dead, or working in a Kalamazoo Burger King; he just had a very clever body-mod...but they forgot to leave out the appetite!
Posted by: Cyclops Kitten Natividad | January 30, 2006 at 12:00 PM
Excellent work 14!
The contrast between her pasty pallid face and the bright orange of the cheeto powder offset by the burstable red zits is truly remarkable.
Posted by: Crees_dahl | January 30, 2006 at 12:42 PM
You can take the redneck out of redneck town, but you just can't get that f*in' Cheeto stain off the girl!
Posted by: midevil | January 30, 2006 at 01:08 PM
I'll never look at Cheetos the same way again. Sick and genius.
Posted by: Sharp Lily | January 30, 2006 at 01:14 PM
Looks like Elvis, the peanut butter/banana sandwich years.
Posted by: Mel | January 30, 2006 at 04:04 PM
I almost vomited looking at the mouth close-up. Well done, indeed! <3
Posted by: April | January 30, 2006 at 04:29 PM
Yikes! I had to cover my eyes at first! The cheese is so bright! Not to mention the zits. They do pop out at you...heh. (I couldn't resist.)
She has turned into one nasty skank.
Posted by: Chansmom | January 30, 2006 at 04:44 PM
wow - that's rough... hilarious, but rough... she certainly has let herself go this past year. i'm sure stirrup pants and lunch-lady arms aren't too far off in the future.
keep up the great work!
Posted by: james | January 30, 2006 at 04:48 PM
Gross.........period.
Posted by: DonnaJEM | January 30, 2006 at 07:22 PM
When I was a kid, I used to love cheetos. Those airy, crunchy, cheesy things... I was elated when they came back on the market. However, Brittany and her "I am a trailer park redneck who desperately wishes that I could have come from Compton and be one bad muthafucka wid mah bitches and hos" skanky husband have ruined them for me. In the nether regions of my subconscious, I actually know that K Fed's spooge is really that bright orange stuff around her mouth. They have me equating cheeto residue with K- fed's left over love gravy- arm pit grease, butt crack residue and smegma. Now that these two human beings have made me sick again, I am going to go barf. They have destroyed my precious childhood delight. They better not touch space dust ....
So Much love,
Demon Kitty
Posted by: Demon Kitty | January 30, 2006 at 10:09 PM
"Cheese-gasmic" is now my favorite neologism ever ever EVER. At least until your next Fourteenism. I'm gonna call EVERYthing cheesegasmic now.
The media--fuck, most of the WORLD--dubbed this junk-food shovelling wall-eyed little primate a major sex symbol and international star. Could someone tell me why? Couldn't be her natural vocal talent: Her anonymous chirp of a voice wouldn't stand out in a vocal police lineup. Her looks? Even at her least pustulent, she looked like any other physically inoffensive high-school blonde. And the only humans likely to deem her sexy are either too young to vote legally, or too perversely fixated on those too young to vote legally to be allowed to walk the streets. And with her rapid tailspin into acne-spotted white-trash gluttony, Brit's rapidly alienating even those sorry-ass demographics.
Once again, you peel away the artifice and force us to look at the ugly squirmy bits underneath. What's more, you make it really, really, really fucking funny.
That's my windy-assed way of saying, BRAVO! Again!
Posted by: Viper Tetsu | January 30, 2006 at 11:01 PM
You just made my morning. I've never been a Britney fan and her downfall is an endless source of amusement... particularly when illustrated so beautifully!
<3
Posted by: Monica | January 31, 2006 at 06:55 AM
This is brilliant!!! love the double chin!! I can just hear the commercial tag line coming from Brit's cheeto filled, cheese crusted, zit covered mouth -- they're cheesegasmic y'all!!!
Posted by: megan | January 31, 2006 at 08:09 AM
Excellent. Really great. I think what is very nice about this is that you captured not only the obvious such as bad skin and ratty hair, but also her thick, linebacker neck.
Posted by: Penname | January 31, 2006 at 09:06 AM
I am no fan of Britney, but give the poor girl a break already!
Posted by: robin | January 31, 2006 at 09:40 AM
LoL. You're going to hell with gasoline drawers on, I hope you know that!! =)
Posted by: Ki | January 31, 2006 at 10:36 AM
My new favorite blog. *Bookmarks*
Posted by: | January 31, 2006 at 11:26 AM
ah the detail, the wonderful combination of orange upon pasty white, the flecks of cheetoh dust play well with the white heads... yet ANOTHER masterpiece!!!
BRAVA!!!
Posted by: Elaine | January 31, 2006 at 11:40 AM
Ahhhh!! Too funny!
Posted by: TheIdleReceptionist | January 31, 2006 at 12:05 PM
have always been grossed out by her 25" neck -- thanks for capturing that perfectly - and the zits are so realistic -- that must've been a real labor of love to create those so nicely!
Posted by: me | January 31, 2006 at 02:08 PM
I love you 14!!!
But, you missed the black roots and greasy hair!
Posted by: HOmade | January 31, 2006 at 02:48 PM
Ahhh I love it when you take on Britney, those Cheetos will get you everytime. I guess Kevin has to kiss this pimple ridden lips to get his allowance, heh now thats justice.
Posted by: Damien Morgan | January 31, 2006 at 03:00 PM
The sad thing is this is true. Britney has allowed herself to go down the sewer this year. I only feel sorry for that poor child; soon his folks will have no money left and he will be forced to wear a Cheeto's bag around the trailer park.
Posted by: Long Island Irish | January 31, 2006 at 04:24 PM
LMAO nice!
Posted by: Fug | February 01, 2006 at 01:49 AM
ur site is hilarious! ur a very talented and twisted artist :) that's a compliment by the way
Posted by: gnarlykitty | February 01, 2006 at 06:10 AM
You imply that regular Cheetos are an unnatural shade of orange. I take offense. I believe that everything else that is supposedly orange are just poor imitaors, cheesy imitators, if you will. I believe the Cheetos orange is what God intended orange to be.
Posted by: nvr4money | February 01, 2006 at 06:51 AM
Looks like she could also double as the endorser for Valtrex
Posted by: | February 01, 2006 at 07:03 AM
14, I am yet again speechless at the astounding quality of your work; your new metaphor is that of Beluga caviar in a sea of Aldi-brand tuna!! (which I'm sure the lovely Miss Britney Jean Cletus purchases on a regular basis) Keep the celebrity disses coming!!
Posted by: Kristin | February 01, 2006 at 07:42 AM
Give Britney a break! She is not all that bad. Granted she has lost some of her star looks, Britney will rise above!
Posted by: 4brit | February 01, 2006 at 08:29 AM
You know, watching her video for "Oops, I did it again" and seeing her now is an amazing transformation from pop-tart to Jabba the Brit.
Sad but oh well. Cheetos are like cheese crack though so I feel her addiction.
Posted by: Johnny Huh? | February 01, 2006 at 09:22 AM
This is priceless!! Anything I find slamming her is great. She has been a pig since she came on the scene and now she married a womanizing slob only to get pregnant (to have a sperm donor)This just shows even more what an f*$king porker she is and has all the potential to be, Kudos!!
Posted by: NotHerFan | February 01, 2006 at 09:42 AM
hater
Posted by: | February 01, 2006 at 09:48 AM
Simply and beautifully grotesque. I can envision the acne pustules in exquisite detail and smell the skank Cheeto breath through my screen. My stomach is actually burning and churning at these images. Cheesegasmic indeed.
Posted by: Ilsa | February 01, 2006 at 09:53 AM
This is priceless!! I love anything slamming this pig. She is such a slob and that womanizing mess of a husband should both be beaten with large objects. This porker only got married to say "I'm married now it's legal to have a baby with the sperm donor she picked."
Posted by: NoHerFan | February 01, 2006 at 10:13 AM
LOSERS!!! She's already losing weight - haven't you seen photos from last week...stay up on your gossip, if you're gonna comment. You're probably all eating Cheetos right now...
Posted by: Paco | February 01, 2006 at 10:37 AM
this is so funny
Posted by: carmen | February 01, 2006 at 11:31 AM
remarkable resembalance to the porker her self! damn to be 25 rich and look like that... what a shame
Posted by: carmen | February 01, 2006 at 11:36 AM
I'd still do her.
Posted by: Bill M | February 01, 2006 at 12:23 PM
This is way to close to reality. She's gone from the Rolling Stone jail-bait covergirl to Roseanne Barr in 2 short years.
Posted by: coglethorpe | February 01, 2006 at 12:47 PM
She's been eating her Cruci-fixin's:
http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/TV/02/01/people.spears.ap/index.html
Posted by: Patrick Fitzgerald | February 01, 2006 at 02:48 PM
you rock 14 ! We D- listers love you ! once again you managed to capture exactly what we all think!
Posted by: KatieScarlett | February 01, 2006 at 04:37 PM
Don't you think she looks in the mirror too and has low self confidence. Don't you think she has been unhappy with her weight. Don't you think she sees her pimples and wishes they were gone. People who take glee out of other poeple's misery are just mean and spiteful. On top of that I saw pictures of her at the SAG awards this year ,06', she has dropped all that weight she gained. I mean she is not as thin as she used to be, lets say Slave 4 U, but she does not have a double chin and her skin looked very clear. Plus, all those Cheetos that she apparntly eats day in and day out those where just snap shots of days that those photographers caught her eating them. It certaintly does not mean everyday.
Posted by: Halden | February 01, 2006 at 04:53 PM
Dear Halden and other Britney fans,
I appreciate your concern for Britney Spears. Wouldn't it be nice if everyone was as compassionate as you? I hear ya, I really do. Since I have decided to devote a small part of my art career documenting and observing celebrity gossip, that's what is going to show up on Gallery of the Absurd. My mission is to paint gossip, pure and simple. I take inspiration from the printed tabloids as well as from the many gossip bloggers out there. I have yet to find any sweet and gentle gossip regarding Britney's low self-esteem or whether she feels bad about her pimples - if it was there, I'd illustrate it.
Gossip isn't pretty, but it's not going to go away any time soon. The Britney Spears human being is not the same character as what the gossip makes her out to be. Gossip turns a celebrity into a completely different creature. A curious creature in a freak show...and this is what interests me.. For now, I'm going to continue taking from material that already exists (ex: the meme of Britney and Cheetos) and documenting it with my illustrations. I'm not going to be painting gossip forever, mostly because it's so draining. Perhaps you'll become a fan of my work when I start painting butterflies. I'm not kidding. I WILL paint butterflies one day.
Start a gossip blog that speaks nothing but positive and uplifting reports about tabloid celebrites. I don't think anyone has done that yet.
love,
14
Posted by: 14 | February 01, 2006 at 06:03 PM
"Thick, linebacker neck..." Hah! YES!!
"Jabba the Brit" Double Ha-HAH!! and double-yes!
Truer words, never spoke.
Posted by: Viper Tetsu | February 01, 2006 at 09:57 PM
Great job! :)
Posted by: Ivan Minic | February 02, 2006 at 12:26 AM
TOP over TOP !!!!
MAGNIFIQUE ! Lol !
Hi hi hi hi.....
BRAVOSSIMO !
Posted by: TONTON RAVACHOL | February 02, 2006 at 01:30 AM
14, I do think a trailer in the background of the illustration might be appropos.
Poor girl. I do feel kinda sorry for her.
Posted by: Moonmaid | February 02, 2006 at 08:13 AM
that was very bad of you guys to do that too any body,its not fair,she just had a baby,and i think you should give her some time too come back too her self.
Posted by: Alex | February 02, 2006 at 09:08 AM
I THINK EVERYONE SHOULD JUST LEAVE HER ALONE SHE IS HAVING TO DEAL WITH MUCH KAOS...FROM THE BABY WEIGHT TO KEVINS BEHAVIOR.
Posted by: RAUL CASTILLO | February 02, 2006 at 11:29 AM
14, I'll still enjoy your work when you're painting butterflies. And while I'm waiting, I'll enjoy another helping of your crunchy, cheesegasmic celebrity gossip brought to life! Britney has her guilty pleasures, and I have mine!
Posted by: greencellist | February 03, 2006 at 12:27 AM