Gallery of the Absurd

The Ghosts of Christmas Past

Around this time last year, we were bombarded by images of Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson cuddling up to each other in a plastic oversized sleigh. Nick wore a very lame Santa "beard" and Jessica was dressed as a ditzy snow bunny.  The show was heavily promoted - billboards, magazines, web, television...one could not get away from the creepily annoying and intrusive images.  Oh, and the show itself....insufferable!

I know all of you are disapointed there won't be another Nick and Jessica's Family Christmas ever again.  It was destined to become a beloved American classic television event and was sure to be enjoyed by generations of loyal followers. For this reason, we have dragged the image back out for you to enjoy during the holiday season.

Oh, and Blogosphere Insta-Celeb, Jeff Polage (see below) and I will be posting new mockeries of celebrity mugs very soon.

Nick Lachey's Worst Nightmare

   
Since his divorce from Jessica Simpson was announced, Nick Lachey has trouble sleeping. He's plagued with a terrifying recurrent nightmare involving his overbearing ex-father-in-law, Papa Joe Simpson. The nightmare goes as follows:

Papa Joe has planned a brand new episode of "Nick and Jessica's Family Christmas". He flies into Nick's room, hovers over his bed, and holds yet another ridiculous and embarrassing sweater for Nick to wear on the show.  "Nick, you will wear this sweater in the opening monologue. The audience will love it! Look, it's got Christmas lights wired into it...and charming little Mr. and Mrs. Claus teddy bears!!  You WILL wear it Nick...you have no choice in the matter...PUT IT ON NOW!!!"  At this point, Nick tosses and turns, screams out in horror and wakes up in a cold sweat. It takes him a few moments to realize it was all just a dream.

Jeff Polage: Hollywood's Hottest New Sensation

What do you get when you combine one unemployed actor with one stir-crazy artist, and then throw them both into a room with a stack of gossip tabloids and a camera?  My pal Jeff Polage is an excellent pantomime and has more acting talent in his pinky than most of these dullards we see on the big screen these days. Here are some of the results of our celebrity inspired collaboration:

Kevin Federline

Jessica Simpson

Tom Cruise

Anna Nicole Smith

Arnold Shwarzenegger

Goldie Hawn

Paris Hilton

More paintings coming soon....