Paris Hilton was recently quoted as saying "I'm the closest thing to American royalty." Wow, that's quite the statement. I'm sure Americans everywhere are brimming with pride as our royal highness Princess Paris shamelessly dangles and shimmies her unbearable dullness in a vapid lap dance for the world to see. According to our beloved, yet delusional Princess, royalty is characterized by shilling herself out to low grade hamburger chains, starring in a sex video, and babbling "that's hot" because she can't come up with anything else to say. Princess Paris claims she wants to "build an empire" with her "brand" and 14 predicts it will look a lot like Wal-Mart.