The Future of Tara Reid

I spent most of my weekend engaged in time travel. I always kick myself when I forget to bring my digital camera along, but this time I slipped it in my pocket.  Traveling through so many hyperdimensional wormholes can really wear a girl out, so I thought I'd stop and get some coffee. The only place open in Los Angeles in the year 2025 was a seedy bar on Sunset, so I walked in, sat at the bar and saw Tara Reid sitting at the other end.  I snapped her photo and figured I'd share it with you.

Comments

[Amanda]

The vagina-like neck is priceless.

[TheIdleReceptionist]

Wow, I'm surprised that Tara is dressing so modestly...

I guess, no matter how trampy, some people just get tired of flashing The South Pole for all the world to see. Or maybe her joints have deteriorated to the point that drunkenly flailing around sans panties causes her arthritis to flare up.

[Leslie]

Eerily good. Makes me want to quit smoking and cut down on drinking while I'm at it. Ick.

[Jennifer]

Damn, that is probably way too close to true. "Shudder"

[Madame M]

PRICELESS!

Did you catch the absolutely horrible "Taradise" marathon on E! this weekend by any chance? She sounds drunk ALL the time. How is that even possible?

[gia]

That is perfectly horrific!!

[Snootchie Bootchie]

Where to start...other than the obviously beautiful mullet.

Here's to the future *I'm scared"

[NoddingLilith]

Brilliant, absolutely bloomin brilliant.

[Johnny Chicago]

Well, it figures. She was one of the first of the late '90s brand of 'skankasaurus,' the typical white girl who wants to be 'hip' and 'trendy' with the token minority friend, all the while sucking cock in the bathrooms of Nobu and draining Hollywood producer's of their semen and their ideas. Look at that old cunt, she's so badly altered it's Picasso-like in it's horrendousness. Fuck you, Tara. Fuck you to Hell.

[xZx]

haha meow!!!

[MFG]

She kinda reminds me of Madame Medusa from Disney's "The Rescuers." Or someone in that style. Like she's gonna get up and do a semi-groovy gingly-jangly dance before smashing glasses and slurring random threats at shadow people.

[kumzooloo]

Pure, pure beauty. I am speechless.

[Marissa]

Just twenty years in the future?

Talk about aging.

[anonymouse]

i can just imagine what those implant scars look like behind that polka-dot top. saggy frankentits!!!

[industrywhore]

Come on. She'll have had three brow lifts and multiple eye jobs by then. She'll look like every other snipped LA ho with an unmoveable forehead and her eyes pulled back to the sides of her face.

[so what]

the eyes have it!

[Demon Kitty]

Looking at her just makes me want to purge that glass of Merlot I knocked back. Your imagination 14, your insight, your perspective ... it's terrifying.

Are you a lesbian? I want to marry you.

So much love, so many metaphysical kisses XXXXX0000000,

Demon Kitty

[I'm A Hater]

Hey she still looks better than Pee-Wee Herman does now.

[GG]

My very favorite touch is that she is wearing the very "girly" little dangly star earrings. I know the dress is much too young for her too, but the earrings really stand out. Kudos.

[Annie]

PLEASE do a "Future of Pamela Anderson" or something similar...she's another one of the countless simpleminded Hollywood Skanks (like Tara Reid, Paris Hilton, et al) who should be lambasted and ridiculed as often as possible.

Why so mean to Tara? She's still better looking than you.

[Jon H]

I think she'd be thinning on top pretty bad, from too much damage to her scalp from hair products.

[midevil]

Hmmm, yeah, booze'll do that to ya. Won't she choke on her own vomit long before 2025, though?

[eddie]

Wow. That looks awesome.

[Knuckles McGillicutty]

Does she have old lady smell? Or is she still too young for that in 20 years?

PS. anonymous: 14 is a fox. Nice try though. And thanks for using your shift key.

[Morrigan]

Yikes! Makes me never wanna ever drink to excess again...no more smokes, etc. Damn.

I'm not only speechless at this display of your talent, 14. I'm also frightened.

[Gretchen]

......and we have a missing tooth. PERRRRRFECT!

[Yppird Anigav]

poor Tara, the writing is on the wall...but what you don't see is that she's taking a quick break from her job as the cocktail waitress/hostess at that seedy bar.

[Barry]

You should have showed how her coochie would be hanging down to her knees since the self proclaimed queen of skank likes to show it all the time. Freakishly accurate portrait however.

[mvo]

Once again you've got it spot on, spot on!!

[kevin Lee Allen]

ever see the film "Barfly?"

[TheIdleReceptionist]

Oh, why couldn't you have drawn her with one titty popping out, just for auld lang sine?

[Jessica]

I can't believe what a wonderful artist you are. I just looked at everything. Not only are you hilarious, your art is awesome.

[kerryelisa]

poor things ciggie is backwards...and her liver/sun spots match her pretty polka dots...the tragedy of it all..

[Miss Hollywood]

I bet she will look like that!

[Scout Finch]

The backwards cigarette is genius. I have to say, if I could have her job, I'd take it. I hear she's a shoo in to sweep the Train Wreck awards and that she and Courtney Love are looking for apartments together in St. Tropez.

[chey espejo]

I bow before you, master.
Your Kung-fu is the best...

[Bowhunter777]

Just wondering if while you were there if you happened to snap a picture of yourself and if so why not post it?.

[14]

I DID take a picture of myself.....but since I'm not a celebrity I went ahead and posted it in my bio. Check it out.

Tara chain smokes cigarettes in 2025, but I'm more of a cigar chompin' lady.

14

[Long Island Irish]

LOL that is brillant. :)

[Dasha]

Oh, I'm sure she'll get this way much sooner than 2025!

[beer me]

Beatiful image. That Tararism Show is amazing. Party pigs have a new leader! I'd definitely do her at 40.

[fINGERfOOD]

I love the spindly skeleton fingers sprawled out around the glass and the alcoholic baggies around her eyes. You've captured the greasy-haired habitual offender in all her uhm.... glory?

[cate]

um - is this Tara in 20 years or today? She looks like an unmade bed... in a whorehouse

[Ilsa]

Oh my Gawd, even if the caption did not specify that this was Tara Reid of the future, I would have known that's who this portrait was of. You've got it so dead on accurate, so hideously glorious.

[eRicA]

ha! i love your bio pic. i think drawing Jonathan would be funny too!

[Manuela]

Since it appears I have been unapologetically remiss in refreshing your blog... I see that I am left down here in the Goolag of commenters... so... I must pay homage to a few of your commenters who have been so much more quick to click on your witty blog, ma cher...

Amanda... vagina neck... you have most certainly offended vaginas everywhere. Were my nether regions ever to look so sadly decrepit.... I would enlist the services of a Gynocological nip-tuck post haste!

Marissa... twenty years in the future?? For this representation to reflect dear Tara twenty years hence... she would have to be a mere eleven today... surely you simply miscalculated, my dear. Post again once you've evaluated the math. MWAH!

Frankentits? Once again... I know this is SUCH an easy mistake to make... you see... I'm quite certain that what you see as breasts are ACTUALLY preferated hernias of the colon... again...an entirely forgiveable trompe l'oeil...

Demon Kitty... in your DREAMS my love... for were Quatorze in fact a lesbian... she would most certainly be mine. (Do TRY to keep up...) I do, however, award you points for most excellent taste.

And Jon H... you were soo soo close to the mark! Thinning hair... but of COURSE! Sadly, though... hair product is not nearly the reason... ALTHOUGH... you may be on to something now that I think about it... perhaps once he has finished man-handling her noggin for purposes of angle, pace, and stability... were he to just ever so slightly adjust his trajectory... Yes... one could argue that a protein enriched hair product might indeed be the culprit! WELL DONE!!

[B]

Vagina like neck - that is my kind of woman! I have this feeling that this is EXACTLY what she'll look like in 20 years....creppy. Almost enough to make ME stop drinking...but again, the idea of vagina neck i s tantalizing...

[Viper Tetsu]

The liver-spot-mottled back and puss; the stringy, straw-textured quasi-mullet; that cow-hit-with-a-stun-gun expression intermingled with alcohol-encouraged self-delusion. And those talons that constitute her (probably nicotine-stained) fingers...Painfully, gloriously sublime.If it were in color, it'd be too much hellishness to endure.

It only makes sense that in twenty years, Tara Reid will morph into a cross between Edith Massey from the John Waters movies and Otis the drunk from the old Andy Griffith show--only a lot less funny (unless you continue to draw her, natch).

[trish]

Reminds me a Basset Hound gone bad...Send her a framed copy.