Gallery of the Absurd

The Real Taradise

Tara Reid has given up her ambition to become a serious actress and has finally embraced her image as overindulgent party girl. Smart move.  Why be anything other than yourself? She has fun, travels the globe in pursuit of reckless hedonism, and amuses (or disgusts) us with paparazzi photos of her falling down drunken antics. Thing is....one doesn't need talent to do what she does, so why does she have her own TV show?  And have you seen the Taradise promotional image? I think they should replace the sleek airbrushed photo of Tara with one of those paparazzi photos. That way, we can see just how bloated and boozy Taradise really is.

haw haw!!

Jude Law: Common Trouser Snake

Here is a page torn from my best-selling book, 14's Field Guide to Showbiz Snakes. Pictured is Jude Law as the Common Trouser Snake.... but alas, in mid-printing, our team discovers shocking nude photos of Mr. Law circulating the Internet, and after careful examination, we replaced the above page with a revision. See below:

Jocelyn Wildenstein: Poster Child of Plastic Surgery Addiction

Manhattan socialite Jocelyn Wildenstein has undergone millions of dollars worth of plastic surgery to transform her once normal human face into the face of a cat.  She creates such a shocking spectacle whenever she goes out in public that I decided she needs to start placing posters about town announcing her upcoming appearances.  The New York press dubbed her "The Bride of Wildenstein" and recently, the National Enquirer delicately referred to her as a "rubber faced freak".  She scares the hell out of people, but she's just a harmless, eccentric and delusional lady with too much money who parades around Manhattan with that shocking mug of hers and cares not what anyone thinks.

But does she look like a cat?  Take this handy quiz and see if you can tell the difference between Jocelyn Wildenstein and a common feline. Don't worry, the quiz is so easy that even Jessica Simpson can pass it.

Hollywood's Hottest New Designer

This morning, Page Six columnist Cindy Adams wrote a little news item about Barbra Streisand...

"CHUBBY Streisand can't stuff into pal Donna Karan's creations and may switch to Omar the Tentmaker. Fat must be contagious. Husband James Brolin also ballooned . . ."

MEOW!!! Well, after reading such vitriol, I HAD to draw it. Had to. No question. 

Celebrity Endorsement Idea No. 719

Marketers are missing out on the large demographic of aging and soon-to-be aging hipsters. Cool people don't want to be seen purchasing Depends for their bouts of incontinence, no, they need something more targeted to their sensibilities. Introducing Fergie's Rockin' Adult Diapers, the first fitted briefs designed exclusively for the needs of the savvy Baby Boomer and early Gen-X market segment.  Ever since Fergie's little on-stage accident, greater awareness of this issue has been raised, and hopefully marketers will cash in.

Booty and The Beast

Of all the gossip flying around about Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony, the most pervasive is 1.) J.Lo has a sizable caboose and 2.) Marc Anthony is scary looking.  There is also speculation Marc is a "control freak". Tabloids publish the observations of "body language experts" who claim that because Jen follows behind him, he is showing the world he's the one in control.  Apparently, he also tells her what to wear and flies into a jealous rage when she speaks to her leading men between shooting scenes on her movie set. Antonio Banderas beware!

We sent our reporters from Slander Magazine to find out if Marc really is a control freak. We're not sure how they were able to acquire this touching love letter that Marc wrote to J.Lo, but we are publishing it and asking questions later.