Your Worst Nightmare Comes True
I understand what a grave disappointment it is to all of you that Page Six recently announced Britney Spears will not be posing nude on the cover of Vanity Fair. Rumors were swirling, and the nation's anticipation was growing feverish. Determined not to let you down, 14 has decided to put Britney on the cover anyway.
The cellulite just adds so much.
Posted by: Amanda | July 07, 2005 at 12:06 PM
Best laugh of of the day, another great picture, thank you!
Posted by: Martha | July 07, 2005 at 12:23 PM
The White Trash Celebutante strikes again.
Posted by: Sara | July 07, 2005 at 01:34 PM
oh darling.
that one really is my favorite yet.
the vacant eyes
the curdlike buns...
Posted by: amber | July 07, 2005 at 01:50 PM
AHHHHH!!!! My eyes!!!!
Posted by: Terri A. | July 07, 2005 at 02:32 PM
i don't need to see her 'cause i see right her right now. The catch of the moment is "in the air" with all your talent. I don't want to see anymore!!!
Posted by: slavo74@ | July 07, 2005 at 04:15 PM
That is fantastic 14! I've admired your work silently for awhile now but I had to say WELL DONE!
The wide-spaced,empty eyes, ragged eyeliner, drink permanently clutched in hand, yup, you totally captured Brit!
Posted by: ffleur | July 07, 2005 at 06:01 PM
But, hilarious as the portrait is, when I've stopped hyperventilating, caught my breath, had a glass of water so that I don't puke my last meal and have finall calmed down, I read the text relating to the other stories in the mag, and I start cacking all over again!
Please send me your nail clippings or a hair or a swab of saliva so that you may be cloned and kept on call here in Australia…
Posted by: Dom | July 07, 2005 at 06:01 PM
so distugting and distasteful what a horrible picture!!!! it really shows her true side... I LOVE IT
Posted by: jamie | July 07, 2005 at 06:03 PM
her hair looks too clean--otherwise it's dead on!
Love your work ;)
Posted by: | July 07, 2005 at 06:52 PM
You're just too good!
Posted by: Meg | July 07, 2005 at 09:41 PM
You rule, 14. The Britney rendering is obviously a gem but the Karl Rove headline really does it. This one pretty much sums up our great country now doesn't it? Britney + Karl. True American Heroes. God Bless! Uggghhhhh
Posted by: kumzooloo | July 07, 2005 at 10:17 PM
Thank you THANK YOU for noticing the Karl Rove detail - you totally got it!!
Posted by: 14 | July 07, 2005 at 10:35 PM
lol... you are so cool, 14!
Posted by: cherise | July 07, 2005 at 11:45 PM
i'm from south korea.
you're so great.
it's awesome.
i gotta be your fan.
Posted by: jessica Han | July 08, 2005 at 01:29 AM
she needs a cigarette in btn her fingers too!
Posted by: els | July 08, 2005 at 02:00 AM
Hi! I love your site & blogrolled you right away. Britney is so well done, has she had a photo taken in the last year without a cup of Starbucks in her hand and a straw in her mouth? But the best was the Johnny Depp comment. My kids won't go see Willie Wonka because they think he's M.J.!
Posted by: Dances With Minivans | July 08, 2005 at 04:25 AM
Oh, my! I didn't know that the Johnny Depp thing was common knowledge... and it goes back to his days here in Vancouver when he was filming 21 Jump Street...
And regarding Britney... Comme Toujours, ma cher... your attention to detail is simply exquisite. The suggestion of burgeoning cellulite... the less than swan-like neck highlighted by a shoulder slump that is haunting in its portrayal of disillusion... these are subtleties that combine to serve as a testament to your continuing brilliance!
MWAH!
Posted by: Manuela | July 08, 2005 at 09:30 AM
Brilliant as usual 14. Love the little touches - empty gaze from her smudged mascara baggy eyes, lumpy rear-end, and the healthy snacks she's feeding her unborn. The other headlines are fantastic. How scarry is Johnny Depp in those Willy Wonka previews? Yikes.
Posted by: DonnaJEM | July 08, 2005 at 09:49 AM
Does she know what's happening to her body and soul ?
Posted by: Brigitte Bardot_On_Speed(s) | July 08, 2005 at 10:20 AM
wow this is the rudest thing i have ever seen... people should be wishing thtat they had the money and the body of britney.. u guys are all just jealous cuz ur not millionaires like her or u dont have a baby on the way like her or a husband.. fucking grow up.. britney is so beautiful and just because you are JEALOUS OF HER FAME.. doesnt mean you have to make fun of her.. maybe if she did look that bad it would be funny but thing is she will never ever look like that.. fucking grow up u stupid adults thinking your still a teen. im 18 years old and i aleady think this is really sad!
Posted by: joanna | July 08, 2005 at 10:52 AM
WOW! dead on....
Posted by: | July 08, 2005 at 12:06 PM
You've outdone yourself yet again, my dear!
And hey... did you get my email last week? I was deadly serious about that commissioned piece I mentioned!!
Posted by: Manuela | July 08, 2005 at 12:17 PM
You are an absolute genius. This website is a riot - I look forward to each and every one of your uploads! You are FABULOUS.
Posted by: Kim | July 08, 2005 at 02:49 PM
Good job. I don't find it so funny though. A good girl, with a huge heart is often prone to such ridicule. I don't know, I just do not find the jokes on her so funny. I mean, she was caught with cheetos in her hands twice, and she's a beautiful girl who finally realized that it's not all about looks. She's one of the only celebrities who is down to earth and has her prioroties and morals sorted out. She's a down to earth, funny and kind person. That's her TRUE side.
Posted by: Guy | July 08, 2005 at 03:28 PM
Dear god, the eroticization of the turkey baster belly...why, lord, why???
I agree this is a nightmare, but not my worst. That would probably involve waking up to Tom Cruise on the neighboring pillow, grinning at me with his Charmingly Crooked Smile(TM), all glistening teeth and twinky insincerity. In the room with us are half a dozen Scientology drones, quietly waiting, like those people in the courts of French kings, for the Royal Deflowering to commence. Or they're waiting for us to get up so they can escort me to the bathroom, shower, and coffee, not letting me alone for a moment, controlling my every move, feeding me lines for the inquiring press, keeping bad influences like friends and family away, locking me in a disconnected world, all the better to brainwash me...
Oh wait, I'm channeling Katie Holmes again. Dang, I HATE when that happens. I gotta lay off the absinthe and champagne.
Posted by: Knuckles McGillicutty | July 08, 2005 at 03:48 PM
Dude, I can't believe you haven't been on BoingBoing yet; you rule!!!
Posted by: Cadmium Red | July 08, 2005 at 04:43 PM
Why, she is the embodiment of Sarah Bernhardt or, um, Zelda Fitzgerald. Or, well, Deliverance.
You are extremely laugh-making and massively talented.
Posted by: bbking | July 08, 2005 at 05:55 PM
wow that is so funny! you are so on with this one..hate to say it though i have two kids and she still looks better than i did prego! but this is so funny! good job!
Posted by: missy s | July 08, 2005 at 07:45 PM
Wow. This is great.
Posted by: Miss Hollywood | July 08, 2005 at 08:32 PM
Hey Ms. 14. I look for your work everyday. You have not dissappointed me yet. You're cookin with hot oil now!
Posted by: farmerbob | July 08, 2005 at 11:45 PM
You are BRILLIANT!
Posted by: Cami | July 09, 2005 at 02:25 AM
The only way this overrated trailer trash will ever be on the cover of VF! 14, you rock because you tell it like it is.
Love the posts from her PR team. Try a little harder Leslie Sloane Zelnick. I know it's hard shining shit, but give it a try.
Posted by: Wackawacka | July 09, 2005 at 11:43 AM
And the nightmare gets worse...it is being reported that the Britster is now expecting TWINS! [Runs and hides.]
Wonderful artwork, though! I especially like the Johnny Depp line...I'm glad I'm not the only who thinks his Willy Wonka is pulling a Michael Jackson! ;)
Posted by: Terri | July 09, 2005 at 05:20 PM
OK: embarrassed myself at work again by snorting like a coke-huffing hyena at this latest masterwork--Fucking hysterical! Again, your ability to capture so many dimensions of vapidity with your skewer o' wit continues to astonish.
Beaucoup bonus points for the Karl Rove dig. How 'bout putting that Dubya butt monkey on a Vanity Fair cover naked and preggers?
Posted by: Viper Tetsu | July 09, 2005 at 06:54 PM
I think her little part in Farenheit 911 scarred me for life. The gum snapping, and the idiotic comments. Ugh.
Your picture is like Vitamin E, helping to heal the scars.
Posted by: Chris | July 09, 2005 at 08:08 PM
Shouldn't it be eating for three now?
She's breeding them faster than we can possibly get rid of them. It's Aliens man! BURSTING OUT OF THE STOMACHS
Posted by: oboreruhito | July 09, 2005 at 09:13 PM
She looks extremely similar to Mena Suvari...coincidence?
Posted by: Nicole | July 09, 2005 at 09:38 PM
Very nice blog, both timely and funny. I'll be back.
Posted by: Mdbell79 | July 09, 2005 at 11:29 PM
Ew! Ew! Ew!!!!!!
Heh! Heh! It is amazing the way you have captured the essence of all these overrated people!
How many times have I seen her with her hair piled up on top of her head - straw inserted in mouth-sucking down Charbucks with vacant look on her face! Eyes are definitely windows of the soul and there is nothing going on in that head of hers! Please do one of Bradgelina!
So much love,
Demon Kitty
Posted by: Demon Kitty | July 11, 2005 at 01:39 AM
it kinda makes me feel ill and want a mint mocha frapachino at the same time
Posted by: britishbrunette | July 11, 2005 at 06:03 AM
god you guys are loosers, GET A LIFE! Im sure you guys are all fatty's and big butts.
Posted by: Elissa | July 11, 2005 at 08:20 AM
Dear Slim and Trim Elissa,
It's true! We're all "loosers" with gigantic butts. How did you know?
UGH, I.....can.....hardly....type.......because....my gigantic......butt.... is.......getting in.....the way...... It's res%4ting....on my KEYboaRd and...I c a n ' t Breathe!!!!
HELP!!!
Posted by: 14 | July 11, 2005 at 08:34 AM
did you know the stupid stupid stupid World of Britney website stole your image without giving you credit? What a bunch of idiots.
Posted by: jessica | July 11, 2005 at 04:22 PM
This is hilarious!! :o)
I think you're fabulously talented! Keep 'em coming plz!
Posted by: Smackdown | July 12, 2005 at 09:31 AM
Wow, I can't believe people actually think that Britney Spears has morals or a brain for that matter. It's stunning really. She said, on television in front of a million people, that we should just do whatever the president says and we, the looser gigantic butts, should get a life? If she's an example of good morals, healthy living and a good spirit I'm really on the wrong road. Someone pass the Starbucks and Cheetos, don't forget the lech husband, the cigarettes and unprotected sex! Does anyone have the name of Brit's plastic surgeon? I need my brain sucked out and inserted into my tits!
Posted by: FingerFood | July 12, 2005 at 11:55 AM
Hey! Russell Crowe's gone! Did he hurl a toaster at you or somethin'?
Posted by: Viper Tetsu | July 12, 2005 at 01:40 PM
her ass looks so cellulitey! nice touch!
Posted by: Dawn (webmiztris) | July 12, 2005 at 07:32 PM
oooh! and don't forget - she's smoking Marlboros for two now too!!
Posted by: Dawn (webmiztris) | July 12, 2005 at 07:32 PM
I'm lovin' your attention to detail, like Britney's *extremely* large neck. Girlfriend has the biggest neck i've ever seen on a girl!!! Keep up the good work!!!
Posted by: lil' rabbit | July 13, 2005 at 06:30 AM