Gallery of the Absurd

Jeff Polage Takes On Carrot Top

You asked for it. I've been in Los Angeles all week with my camera, my laptop and my actor pal Jeff Polage. He's getting more work these days and even made an appearance in Iron Man. Sure, he only appears on screen for two seconds, but it's clear he's giving Robert Downey Jr. a run for his money.

In order to achieve the full Carrot Top effect as shown above, we used a ratty old wig, cheap eyeliner and scotch tape to pull Jeff's eyebrows skyward.

We've got another photo shoot scheduled today and our props include a blonde wig, a hot pink bikini, and a couple of cantaloupes. Can you guess who our victim might be?

Sketchbook Chronicles: People Watching in Las Vegas

One of my all time favorite recreational activities is people watching. I can be thoroughly entertained for hours as I sit and observe the parade of humanity pass before my eyes. My sketchbook and camera are always handy for recording some of the more unusual and entertaining specimens that happen to catch my interest. Above is a quick sketch of a bickering couple I saw trudging down the Las Vegas strip. I'm not sure what they were arguing about, but they were doing it loudly and seemed completely disgusted with each other. He looked like a giant angry owl with his pointed hair and large-framed thick glasses and she was dressed in schlumpy tourist garb, but had obviously spent hours applying heavy makeup and sparkling jewelry.

A few months later, a client was flipping through my sketchbook and spotted the owl man. He screamed "that's it!" and asked me to create a character logo for him to use as his company mascot. So odd.

World Exclusive! The Scientology Boot Camp Handbook

When I spotted the "Scientology BOOT CAMP FOR KATIE!" headline on a recent copy of Star magazine, I knew I had to investigate. I called in favors from an underground cartel of international spies I associate with and demanded they secure a copy of the Scientology Boot Camp Handbook to share with my readers. While they were only able to scan four pages of the handbook before being ambushed by the SSSS (Secret Scientology Surveillance Squad), it's enough to give us a glimpse inside the secretive compound where Katie Holmes and countless others have been held. Below are the other scans in no particular order:

Star magazine claims Scientology Boot Camp consists of "grueling lie detector tests, 36-hour auditing sessions, and constant surveillance", but the magazine never mentioned the entertaining recreational activities participants enjoy during their stay. Despite the barbed wire fences and forced interrogation, Scientology boot camp can be barrels of fun. For more recreational activities, such as Wig-Making with John Travolta, take a look here.

Okay, now I'm jealous. Scientology Boot Camp victims participants get to fly in vintage DC-8 Interstellar Space Planes! Not only that, they'll sleep in a realistic-looking Mothership Dormitory. Hold me back, I'm this close to signing up!

Each handbook features a special introductory letter from Tom Cruise welcoming PCs to clear their engrams and avoid SP influence during RPF telepathic regeneration ORC assignments. Medium: Digital collage. Created in collaboration with Candy Kirby. Letter from Tom Cruise written by Candy.

If Rothko Had Painted Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt

Each time I glance at a photo of Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, all I'm able to see is a blur of predictable colors (see below). Take for example all those ridiculous staged photos of them prancing about on the beach. Their hair dissolves into a floating rectangle of yellow-blonde. Exposed flesh translates into large amounts of peach and light orange, which dominates the image. If they're smiling, flashes of blinding white might appear. Depending on what color bikini Heidi is wearing, lurid infusions of hot pink or zebra print cuts through the monotony of the flesh and sand tones and reminds the viewer that they're almost naked, but not quite.

Mark Rothko (1903 - 1970) was a Russian born American artist best known for his large-scale paintings of cloud-like rectangular forms of color floating against a solid color background. I seriously doubt he'd find any interest in painting the vapidity and force-fed "entertainment" that Heidi and Spencer represent, but if he did choose to paint them, this is how I imagine the canvas would look. Medium: Oil on linen with a splash of digital paint.

Heidi and Spencer as they appear to me. Remarkably, you can still recognize them.

Wouldn't it be amusing to remove all the headlines from this Rolling Stone cover...except for the one on top?

Gallery of the Absurd's New Line of T-Shirts

Many of you asked what would happen to Bunky the Drunken Monkey after the demise of my failed blog Circus Hour. Now I have an answer for you.  Bunky has been an evolving character of mine for over 5 years and has refined his appearance since his first incarnation as a womanizing personal injury attorney with a drinking & gambling problem.  One of my side projects in addition to creating work for Gallery of the Absurd has been creating original characters and placing them in the context of Japanese-inspired Engrish and Kawaii pop culture.

Bunky kicks off the first of my designs and many more are coming soon.  Because of legal concerns, I can't sell my celebrity illustrations as t-shirt designs, but I can sell images that may or may not be based on some of the celebrities I've featured on my blog.  In addition to several upcoming characters, look for the familiar Perky Demented Food Chipmunk and Crabby coming up next.  My Zazzle t-shirt store is rather barren at the moment, but soon it'll be stuffed to the gills.

This is how Bunky looked back in 2003. I didn't pay much attention to composition and color in those days.

Miley Cyrus Causes a Sensation By Posing Topless In Vanity Fair

I had a hard time painting 15-year old Miley Cyrus because when one stares at her for a long time, she looks like a chubby cheeked child one minute, and then seconds later, she appears as a hung-over, hard-bitten, 20-something party girl waking up in the bed of a stranger and in bad need of a shower. Do I paint her looking innocent, or do I pick up on the overt sexuality simmering through her come-hither gaze? I was never able to make a decision. I'm quite curious of your opinions about Miley's Vanity Fair photo shoot - is it kandy koated kiddie porn or simply an artistic portrayal of a young girl seeking the spotlight? Medium: liquid pencil, watercolor, acrylic, ink on paper, digital color. Larger detail here.

Meet The Cackling Bowl Cut Chimps

The easiest way to identify this curious species is by the identical bowl cut hairstyle each family member adorns itself with or by the wide-mouthed grimace they display when cackling. Despite the fact the female towers over the male, she submits to his control and has been observed taking on his hobbies, habits and interests. The male is easily agitated, excitable and aggressive toward anyone who dares to criticize his peculiar belief system. If your car breaks down on the highway, you had better hope a Cackling Bowl Cut Chimp is nearby because they're the only ones who can help. Medium: Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes and Suri: liquid pencil and watercolor on paper. Palm trees: digital sketch. Original sketch shown here.

Ashlee Simpson's T-Shirt Line Has Been Redesigned

What is it with all these "celebrities" designing lines of cheap flimsy t-shirts with images of their faces splashed across the front? WHO wears this crap?? Ashlee Simpson is the latest celebufluff to "design" her own line of t-shirts with yep, her face plastered all the front. I thought I'd put my marketing background to work and redesign her t-shirts to be more appealing:

Inspired by Ashlee's image of herself performing onstage as shown on her 100% rayon Twist Back Top, this punk-inspired edgy design is a more realistic portrayal of her singing career because it's the one performance everyone remembers.

I wasn't seeing the meaning in Ashlee's Little Miss Obsessive t-shirt (50% polyester!). I might be out of the loop - perhaps it's the name of a song off her new CD? Maybe she's obsessive? Can someone please explain? Anyway, with all the chatter about Ashlee's lip collagen, I thought this tee was much more appropriate.

She actually named one of her designs the Ashlee Zebra Face Tee. You can't make this stuff up.

An homage to Daddy. This sexy t-shirt features a flirty plunging neckline to show off your assets and is made with 100% spandex to hug your curves. Please be aware that sizes run small, so order accordingly.

Say Goodbye to Circus Hour

Remember when I announced that all my newest celebrity gossip-inspired illustrations would appear on a new blog called Circus Hour? Well, scratch that. Effective today, Im coming home to Gallery of the Absurd and all my new work will be posted here.

I always enjoy indulging myself in various new experiences, but I found that I wasn't enjoying my other blog as much as I had anticipated. When I create art, I have to do so from my heart and can't be bothered with worrying about traffic statistics, comments, advertisers, whether my posts are linked on other sites, and all the other trappings of blogging as a business. Gallery of the Absurd will still feature art inspired by the craziness of Tom Cruise and other oddities of pop culture, but expect it to become a little more eclectic as I post other types of work here too.

While Candy Kirby and I have decided to part ways as blogging partners, we still enjoy collaborating and will continue to work on projects together. Find her new blog at here. Meanwhile, I'm in process of updating Gallery of the Absurd with all the art I created for Circus Hour and am also working on some upcoming posts. Stay tuned. (Above image: "A Spider Beside Her" ink and acrylic on paper. 2004)

Huge Rod Is What All Girls Dream About

Kipling West is a prolific artist who among other things, illustrates the spam she receives in her email box each week. Kipling says she's inspired by spam because she enjoys seeing the beauty and entertaining weirdness in something so intrusive and annoying. These two illustrations made me laugh and I wanted to share them with my readers. You can see more of her work on her blog Fresh Spam.