Gallery of the Absurd

Yep, Taking Yet Another Hiatus

Multiple projects are luring me away from Gallery of the Absurd for a while, but I'll be posting again once the dust settles.  Meanwhile, please visit my Resplendent Chaos blog as that's where I'm hanging out these days.  I leave you with these riveting images of Burt Reynolds taken while watching Malone on TV the other night.  Burt's lush jet black toupee does a riveting job playing a CIA operative and there are lots of explosions and gnashing of teeth - what more could you want from a movie?  Besides, the movie's poster is the GREATEST poster ever created. Behold:

An Entertaining Twist For Mel Gibson's Upcoming Movie, The Beaver

If you've not yet heard the buzz, Mel Gibson is starring in an upcoming movie called The Beaver. It's a film about a "guy who walks around with a puppet of a beaver on his hand and treats it as a living creature."  Mel Gibson plays Walter Black, a depressed man who finds a beaver puppet in the trash and believes it's real and is able to give him advice.  When I saw the disconcerting photos of Mel running around yelling with the beaver puppet on his arm scattered across the internet, I was instantly hooked. 

However, I wondered if the film would become a tad more interesting if it was the Beaver who found the Mel Gibson puppet in the trash and once sliding his arm inside the filthy and threadbare puppet, he could never get it off. To make it more improbable, perhaps the Beaver could be a recently unemployed, but highly educated and distinguished butler from London. Since there's no way to remove the Mel Gibson puppet from his arm, he has no choice but to be in service to it. The film follows the life of the tortured Beaver as he gracefully endures the tequila-guzzling exploits of the trash talking Mel Gibson puppet as it wreaks havoc across Malibu. 

I even took a stab at revising the script, but apparently Kyle Killen's screenplay is brilliant and my version will never see the light of day. Oh well, back to the ole drawing board. Medium: Graphite on paper, digital color. An explanation of the artistic process is posted here. Much thanks to Amy for including Gallery of the Absurd among the list of 50 Excellent Graphic Design Blogs. 

 

An Idea For Ralph Lauren and His Fat Models

Ralph Lauren, the designer known for creating yawn-inducing clothing for middle class esteem seekers, has been under fire lately for the almost comical heavy-handed photoshopping of one of his models. To make matters worse, the model used in the ad has just been fired by Ralph Lauren for being too fat. Ralph Lauren claims Filippa Hamilton's size 8, 120lb body was too huge to fit into his clothes so he fired her.  Since Ralphie Boy likes his women skeletal, he should consider replacing his models with a fleet of life-size skeleton models. They don't eat, don't complain, and best of all, they have wheels! This makes it easy for he and his stylists to push them around the lawns of country manors and yacht clubs for photo-shoots. By using life-size skeleton models, he'll never have a problem with fit nor will he waste time and money photoshopping his models to look skeletal. Problem solved.

While I'm on the subject of Ralph "Lauren", I'd also like to suggest he start using his real name: Ralph Lipshitz.  I suppose the fake "Lauren" sounds more aristocratic than "Lipshitz", but I'd actually consider buying his clothes if I got to ask, "Excuse me, can you tell me where the Ralph Lipshitz clothing is located?" LIPSHITZ! Say it! It's wonderful! He really missed out on cashing in on his real last name, but I suppose since he's all about fakery and perceived affluent lifestyle, it wouldn't have worked out as well. Medium: disastrous photoshop schlockery

A Gallery of the Absurd Update...

A quick update for my readers regarding Gallery of the Absurd:

For the past 4 years, I've been creating illustrations based on the social commentary generated by celebrity gossip.  The project involved many hours of poring over comments and posts on my favorite gossip blogs, as well as keeping up with the weekly tabloids.  Over time however, I've become more inspired by the way gossip seems to transform certain celebrities into fictional characters that WE create. For instance, Tom Cruise may be categorized as an A-list actor who's had a successful acting career, but all that changed in the eyes of the public as soon as he started jumping up and down on Oprah's couch. After the couch incident and all the media attention following it, his gossip transformed him into an unsettling cackling dwarf-like nut job who believes an alien overlord once placed frozen humans inside a volcano. Wonderful!! In my eyes, that's WAY more interesting than just being your average A-list actor.  Many of those in the entertainment industry have become famous, but perhaps not in the way they anticipated - and THAT is what inspires me now. It's no longer necessary to shuffle through the endless minutia of daily gossip because after all this time, I have everything I need.  Before I get started on my favorite celebrity characters, I want to spend some time working on my Botany in Wonderland playing cards (see the Queen of Clubs above) and finishing up a few lingering commissions. I'll be posting the cards over at Resplendent Chaos, so if you'd like to find me, that's where I'll be for the time being.  Medium: ink and watercolor on paper, digital color.

GOTA Art Show September 2009 - San Francisco, CA

If you happen to be in the neighborhood, please join me this Saturday, Sept. 26 at the Tedda Hughes Gallery Boutique in San Francisco for the opening party for my latest art show. Knock back a few glasses of wine with me and view a variety of original paintings and several new prints. The Tedda Hughes Gallery Boutique showcases the work of local artists and designers and is located in the vibrant Polk Street neighborhood.  

Tedda Hughes Gallery Boutique 

1623 Polk Street, SF Sept. 26: 7 - 10pm

Show runs through October. 

Image: "An Unfortunate Infestation in the Nightclub VIP Room". Mixed media on paper.

Guest Artist: The Blustering Fool That is Kanye West

Many of my readers have urged me to take on Kanye West, but I'm busy prepping for an upcoming art show opening in 2 weeks and as much as I'd like to sink my fangs into Kanye, I don't have the time.  It's okay, plenty of other people are addressing him, including President Obama!  Such a convenient bread and circuses distraction, but I digress.  Here's a Kanye West illustration for a t-shirt sent to me by a reader this morning. He goes by the name of ogfx and enjoys finding inspiration lurking in the pages of Dlisted. Thanks ogfx!  

African Villages Ward Off Orphan-Obsessed Celebrities

Fed up with status-seeking American celebrities raiding their orphanages for trendy accessories, several African villages have created wooden tribal masks and figurines to ward off future intrusions.  Each mask is exquisitely hand-carved in the likeness of Madonna and Angelina Jolie and hung menacingly outside village orphanages. It is claimed the masks impart so much blood-curdling fear, orphan-seeking celebrities avoid entrance.  Local villagers have recognized the power of the masks and it's not uncommon to see them displayed at the entrance of their dwellings to ward off marauding rivals and evil spirits. Even tourists are snapping them up.

A local shaman who does not want to be named claimed he had visions of Baby Snatchers during an iboga-fueled vision quest ceremony several years ago. "I saw a gap-toothed monster, with great shining eyes and hair of gold. It's arms were outstretched, veins protruding like the branches of a Baobab tree, with a curious yarn, colored scarlet like blood, tied around only one arm. I awoke with a gasp, grabbed the first piece of wood I found, and began carving the prophetic image Iboga gave to me!" Medium: ink and graphite on paper, digital color.

Ted Kennedy Still a Major Player in Health Care Reform

Ted Kennedy may finally be at peace, but certain members of Congress and certain media outlets refuse to let him die when it comes to pushing Obamacare, err, I mean Kennedycare. It's not just the Democrats exploiting his death, Republicans are dragging him around to help their cause too.  

One is reminded of the 1989 hit comedy Weekend at Bernie's in which two vacationing executives discover their boss has died and must attempt to convince people he's still alive. Medium: digital illustration, idea for Weekend at Teddie's sent to me by Red.

Miley Cyrus Pole Dance Attracts A Brand New Demographic

Ever since Miley Cyrus performed her pole dancing act atop an ice cream cart at the 2009 Teen Choice Awards, a distinct change has been noticed in her audience demographics.  While the Hannah Montana star has been a big hit with the tween set, sources say more adult men are showing up at her appearances, and have even been observed pushing youngsters out of the way in order to get a coveted spot up front.  Madison, age 11, complained, "These weird men were standing all around and as soon as Miley came out on stage, they started hyperventilating and drooling."  Brittany, age 12, added, "Me and my friend Kylie could hardly see the stage because of all the yucky men up front. Ewwww! Some of them were giving her money and one like really old gross guy totally pinched my butt, I nearly barfed!" When asked how he felt about Miley's expanding appeal, father Billy Ray Cyrus replied, "Money, the kid brings in the money and we're already preparing Miley's younger sister Noah for the spotlight. Miley's been a sex symbol since she was very young. She's an old pro and I'm proud of her." Medium: graphite on paper, digital color.

Guest Artist: Madonna's Arms Alarm and Inspire

Nothing gives the editors over at Daily Mail more titillating pleasure than pointing out Madonna's imperfections. The very second an unflattering photo is released of her, they're on it like starved vultures. If it's not her veiny hands, it's her "bingo wings", her "gristle" (yikes), her "fearsome muscles", or her "haggard face". I suppose one could safely conclude Madonna is not well-liked by this particular newspaper. As an observer and documenter of gossip, I'm always interested in how people respond to these sorts of stories. A recent photo of Madonna's muscular arms caused a flurry of response and speculation across the internet, everything from a photographic retrospective of her biceps, expert opinions of her state of health, a handy anatomy guide, to the way her Kabbalah worship has left her Challah arms.  All very interesting, but my favorite response was created by artist Kipling West.  She was fascinated by the photo and created a beautiful illustration of Madonna's veins becoming roots, her hand of Fatima necklace transformed into Cthulhu, all "leading to destruction and carnage on a galactic scale".